This ‘elderly’ lady is pissed off. And please note, you younger pensioners, that despite 60 being the new 40 one automatically becomes ‘elderly’ at age 50 – so please read on and inwardly digest. What’s pissed me off? It’s something we pensioners need to address right now and as loudly as we possibly can. 

Patronisation! The overly solicitousness of those who view a few grey hairs on our heads or a few wee wrinkles, see the word ‘elderly’ hovering like a crumbling halo over our heads. This makes them react by instantly offering unwarranted assistance. 

Studying this phenomenon shows that it is applied far more frequently to women. Men folk, even struggling along with a walking frame, are usually granted their dignity – they are left alone. 

Women are asked (in a voice usually reserved for very tiny children) ‘Can I carry that for you?’ ‘Would you like a chair?’ ‘Can you manage?’ ‘Are you all right?’ A few years back, a chap beside me waiting for a walk light to turn green, suddenly grabbed my arm and said ‘I’ll help you across’! The cheek of it. I thought to shout out ‘Un-hand me, Sir’, but he would doubtless not have known the expression.

 It is not that I am ungrateful…I lie…I am. I would be very grateful had I asked for assistance, but the assumption that I need it pisses me off. We women fought long and hard for our equality (we still have to) and are only too aware that we need to pay for it. We no longer expect doors to be opened for us literally or figuratively. We no longer expect an adult to give up a seat for us. We can open our own car doors and get out. We can, and we prefer to.

I suspect that junior citizens assist those they consider past it in order to boost their own egos as in, ‘Poor old duck she’s past it, but I’m all right, Jack’. Ooh, now there’s an idea. You know how the phrase ‘pro-life’ was coined to suggest that those who held a pragmatic stance on abortion would be deemed to be anti-life? Well, let’s coin junior-citizens to denote those who sadly lack our accumulation of knowledge, experience and wisdom.

And let’s reclaim the 50 is elderly label and make sure everybody 50 and below is junior. That’ll show ‘em.

Congratulations,Fijipensioners! We now own 20% of 3 Airbus Aeroplanes. This is, of course, in addition to all the rest of the stuff we own a chunk of, like that defunct resort. Recently, a Grand Old Lady was added – after her plastic surgery she will go into direct competition in with her neighbour, which we also own a chunk of. The problem is we all know that our chunks are undoubtedly the un-redeemable chunks. Do not deceive yourselves that you own something tangible which will one day provide some much needed cash. By the time that Airbus loan has been paid off we’ll be six feet under and the ‘planes will be mouldering in the Mojave. 

To reward us Silver Surfers for adding to their coffers for longer than anybody else – and adding more than anybody else – the FNPF board has decided to arbitrarily give us the chop. But never mind. We have 3 aeroplanes! So what’s to complain about?

 No travel insurance? Now look – you’d better get this straight. If the ‘plane falls out of the sky you were going to die anyway, weren’t we?

 No health insurance? Oh, for heaven’s sake! Just die, will you? And will you all, please, do it quietly with minimum fuss.

 Reduced pension? Good grief, haven’t you got the message? If it is cut and you can no longer eat and care for yourself as you once did – you will probably get sick and DIE.

 Get the point? Yeah – thanks FNPF, we get it. You are going to die anyway – hopefully as soon as possible. Meanwhile, stop all this nonsense about rights to pensions, agreements, and contracts, and how the loss of income will affect your future…

 As far as the FNPF board and management are concerned we have no future!

 Remember back in 1969 Peggy Lee recorded Is That All There is? Here’s the chorus

 Is that all there is?

If that’s all there is, my friends, then let’s keep dancing,

Let’s break out the booze and have a ball,

If that’s all there is.

WE CAN DO THAT!

For over a decade, due to my age, I have had to produce a medical certificate to prove I am fit to drive and that my eyesight is in good order. On production of this certificate the LTA allows me to renew my driving license for 12 MONTHS, only after I have got my ticket from the machine and waited 40 minutes plus, while others, ( perhaps friends of the clerks ) come rushing in, jumping the queue, or even worse handing their documents to one of their “Friends” who they spot near the front.

Having finally renewed the driving license, carefully reversed my car out of the parking area, driven out to the main road, carefully avoiding the pot holes, what can I expect:

1. While driving at the normal speed limit keeping a two car distance length from the car in front I can expect at any moment some young wanker who is allowed to renew his license for at least 5 years at a time, to overtake my car and jump into the gap and tailgate the car in front with total disregard for anyone’s safety.
   It is these same wankers who when they have an accident tell their insurance company that the car in front stopped suddenly and caused the accident, not that they themselves were driving too fast and too close.
2. I can expect to see the driver and passengers of cars in front tossing empty packets of Bongo’s, Twisties Coke bottles lunch wrappings and other assorted crap out of the car or bus windows.
   ( My car has been hit by a Coca Cola bottle thrown out of a bus window)
3. I can expect to be choked by excessive black diesel smoke from buses and trucks whose owners never bother to have the injectors serviced.
4. I can expect to be driven off the road by an oncoming idiot that has overtaken 10 vehicles and is unable to push his way in.
5. I can expect to see at least one Minivan with a Maxi Load complete with a Kamakazi driver who is intent on not only killing himself and his passengers,  but anyone who gets in his way.
6. I can expect to be constantly blinded by headlamps set too high if I am foolish enough to drive at night.
7. And last but not least I can expect pedestrians to leap on to the crossing with the velocity of a speeding bullet and then turn into zombies who have expended all their energy

Enough is enough, it is about time the LTA and the Police had “Q” Cars ( Unmarked cars) and the authority to stop these wankers on the spot, suspend their driving license, send them for an IQ test, get them cleaning roadside litter for a month and make passing an advanced driving test compulsory before their driving license is renewed…..(a “no bribe” pass). As for the Zombies, no doubt the wankers will get them in the end.

THE recent revelations that Air Pacific has drawn substantial resources from our superannuation fund which the FNPF approved without consideration to what it would do to reduce members’ entitlements. This must be reviewed immediately.

Our creator demands honesty in our work as he wants honesty in the workplace; your business is his business. God doesn’t bless dishonesty. The Bible says: “The Lord demands fairness in every business deal.” (Proverbs 16:11) That includes wages, sales, taxes and other business dealings. If Air Pacific and FNPF want God’s blessings, they have to be honest. You can’t rip people off. Profit made dishonestly always brings trouble. “The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, without painful toil for it.” (Proverbs 10:22)

Many global organisations have made enormous profits but it eventually only brought them trouble. It was the main cause of the global financial meltdown. Many of these companies are based in the US and their culture is about making a quick buck without a thought for the consequences of their actions.

We will always reap what we sow You cannot mock God and get away with it. The FNPF Board members and executives should be honest with our finances. “It is the Lord’s blessing that makes you wealthy.” (Proverbs 10:22) That includes both organisations negotiating without members’ consent. Anything done without following God’s laws will definitely fail.

Joe Gonewai
Suva