Grandpa, What Is Couple Sex?

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him,”Grampa, what is couple sex?”

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she’s old enough to ask the question, then she’s old enough to get a straight answer.

Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, “Why did you ask this question, honey?”

The little girl replied, “Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.”

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to “make a difference” in the world. 
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other “seniors” who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. 

Harold Schlumberg is such a person:
THIS IS QUOTED FROM HAROLD: 
  
            “I’ve often been asked, ‘What do you do now that you’re retired?’ 

Well…I’m fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine. 
It’s rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it.” 

Harold should be an inspiration to us all.

FNPF CONSULTATION BOOTH

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it..

Side effects may include: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNINGS:

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many as you feel may benefit!

Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz.

You’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians.

Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head and free medical treatment.

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.

And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to have a decent pension.
Plus, and because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income taxes anymore.

A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food.

She picked up four cans and took them to the check out counter.

The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you
cat food without proof that you have a cat.
 A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants
proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat.”

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back
to the store.
They sold her the cat food.

The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food.
Again the cashier said “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food
without proof that you have a dog.
A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants
proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog.”

So she went home and brought in her dog.
She then was able to buy the dog food.

 The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid.

   The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.

   The cashier said, “No, you might have a snake in there.”

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that
would harm her.

   So the cashier put her finger into the box and quickly pulled it out.

   She said to the little old lady,
   “That smells like shit.”
   The little old lady said, “It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper.”

   Don’t mess with old people.

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.  
            :Henry Cate, VII

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.  
            :Aesop
 
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.  
            :Will Rogers

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.  [latin adjective]
            :Plato

Politicians are the same all over.  They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.  
            :Nikita Khrushchev

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe  it
            :Clarence Darrow

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.  
            :Author Unknown

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.  
            :Jay Leno

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.  
            :John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.  
            :Oscar Ameringer