Did you know that November 19 is officially designated ‘World Toilet Day’? Well yes, it is true that millions around the world suffer the lack of good clean toilet bowls and squats – but surely this concerns only those directly involved in providing the deprived with a decent dunny. The rest of us are not going to be bouncing around wishing each other ‘Happy Toilet Day’.

This so tickled my fancy that I Googled…world days…and there they all are, neatly listed along with world weeks and months. Working backwards…

Coming up on Dec 5: National Jandal Day in NZ. Jandals are also known as Thongs and Flip-Flops. This has to be a very worthy day indeed and one which Fiji’s citizens might also celebrate next month by purchasing a new pair and giving the old pair an honourable burial.

Nov 19: International Men’s Day – which is coincidentally paired with World Toilet Day. Which came first? (Sorry chaps)

Oct 13: International Suit Up Day. If you are under 35 you could always nick round to the nearest ‘op shop’ for a neato cast-off.

 Sep 19: International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Yeah? Right.

Aug 30: International Sex Bomb Day. I am NOT making this up!

Jul 6: International Kissing Day. Mmmm – could be fun.

 Jun 2: World’s Whore Day. (Pass)

May 6: International No Diet Day. Probably a plot hatched by McDonald’s, Pizza King and the good Colonel Saunders. 

Apr 27: World Tapir Day. Those are funny shaped furry things with long tails, short legs, tiny eyes and very long snouts – I think. Not very cuddly, but what the heck, with literally hundreds of other celebratory days, why shouldn’t the tapirs have one too?

 Mar 23: World Meteorology Day. This is the day when all the TV weather men who look more like bank tellers than weather men, and all the weather ladies who bend their arms at the elbow and flap them like chooks, get together annually to celebrate how iffy their forecasts were.

Feb 22: World Thinking Day. Ah-ha! So that’s what’s wrong!

Jan 10: World Laughing Day. With all this rubbish we really do need one – badly.