I’M FINE!! HOW ARE YOU?

There’s nothing the matter with me,

I’m just as healthy as can be,

I have arthritis in both knees,

And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.

My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,

But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.

All my teeth have had to come out,

And my diet I hate to think about.

I’m overweight and I can’t get thin,

But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.

And arch supports I need for my feet.

Or I wouldn’t be able to go out in the street.

Sleep is denied me night after night,

But every morning I find I’m all right.

My memory’s failing, my head’s in a spin.

But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.

Old age is golden I’ve heard it said,

But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.

With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,

And my glasses on a shelf, until I get up.

And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself,

Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?

The reason I know my Youth has been spent,

Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!!

But really I don’t mind, when I think with a grin,

Of all the places my get-up has been.

I get up each morning and dust off my wits,

Pick up the paper and read the obits.

If my name is missing, I’m therefore not dead,

So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.