A Drug Enforcement Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “okay, but don’t go into that field over there…”, as he pointed out the location.

The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, “look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!” Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. “See this fucking badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want… On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!”

The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later, the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull…… With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety.

The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs…..

“YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR FUCKING BADGE!”

It is not how old you are, but how you are old. –Jules Renard, writer (1864-1910)

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would “hate” to have to make a living under the laws they have passed.

AND.…They cannot survive on a FNPF Degraded Pension

The Newfoundland Department of Employment claimed a boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to Burin to investigate him.

GOVT  AGENT: ”I need a list  of your employees and how much you pay them.”

Boat Owner: ”Well, there’s Clarence, my hired hand; he’s been with me for three years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the mentally challenged guy.  He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around  here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Lamb’s rum and a dozen Labatt Lite every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.”

GOVT  AGENT: ”That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one.”

Boat Owner: ”That’ll be me.  What’d you want to know?”

SOCIALISM 
You have 2 cows. 
You give one to your neighbour. 

COMMUNISM 
You have 2 cows 
The State takes both and gives you some milk. 

FASCISM 
You have 2 cows. 
The State takes both and sells you some milk. 

BUREAUCRATISM 
You have 2 cows. 
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away. 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM 
You have two cows. 
You sell one and buy a bull. 
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. 
You sell them and retire on the income. 

VENTURE CAPITALISM 
You have two cows. 
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. 
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. 
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died. 

A FRENCH CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows, but you do not know where they are. 
You decide to have lunch. 

A SWISS CORPORATION 
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. 
You charge the owners for storing them. 

A CHINESE CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You have 300 people milking them. 
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. 
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You worship them. 

A BRITISH CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
Both are mad. 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION 
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. 
You tell them that you have none. 
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. 
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy. 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
Business seems pretty good. 
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. 

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
The one on the left looks very attractive. 

A GREEK CORPORATION 
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. 
You eat both of them. 
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. 
The IMF loans you two cows. 
You eat both of them. 
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. 
You are out getting a haircut.